Thinking About Kelly

Thinking About Kelly - Winter 2023

I donʻt recall when we actually 
First met, in someoneʻs dorm room, at a crowded table in the Commons,
In theology class, on the ratty couches in the movie room basement
But I do remember that you were the only one
Who wanted to go with me to the Wallflowers concert
At La Luna
You picked out the first album to play on repeat
Like you know they were better before they hit the radio
And you liked “Sugarfoot” above those other hits
And then at the show you yelled “Sugar! Foot!!” with me,
Our voices an off key duet, an almost harmony between songs
And Jakob Dylan heard us and he chuckled into his microphone,
And he eventually played it with a shrug and we cheered
And jumped and held each other,
His blue eyes piercing us like a cliche,
Like a simile about how beautiful things end and when they do youʻre left
Just with an echo, a rhyme,
Near a hole that never fills up with all the leftover heavy sadness,
Like a needing of hearts
And you stood with me on the corner after the show,
Wondering about how to get to Scarlettʻs house at 1:00 a.m.
In the misty Portland dark, in an Elliot Smith song, and we barely worried,
Waiting for Dylan to come out
And when he did, he chuckled again, recognizing us
“No one knows that song,” he said as he signed our tickets
And gave us hugs
You told me all about Colorado, your ranch,
How to smoke weed, just the thought of it scaring me
You smoke weed? I thought in a whisper, How sophisticated
As I sipped on my Hornsby,
You danced with me under the dome of the Palace of Fine Arts
After we had dyed our hair pink, staining Carissaʻs cousinʻs towels,
After we wandered around the city until finding ourselves
There
Somewhere 
In the quiet after midnight 
And on the drive back up I-5
You defended my choice of an ancient Lemonheads record
When the squelch and the squall invaded the car,
Not matching the current pop of Evan Dandoʻs covers
All our friends knew
And after graduation I said goodbye
Wondering about where I would sleep that night,
How I would ever see any of you all again,
How would I keep up, keep in touch, with who we figured out we all were
And then 23 years later,
23 years of remembering your braids and the way you put your arm around my shoulder,
Remembering your voice and smile and kindness,

Flashes of you visiting me, like a ghost,
And now
You are one